What a Waste

What a waste God makes of His resources. Wouldn't I be better used serving Him in a more public way, ministering to hundreds or thousands? He's given me some talent. Isn't it wasted day after day as I am hidden behind these four walls? I can sing, but the only people who hear me are a few little children. I write love songs to Him, but the only people who learn them are barely able to read. I have some ability to draw, but I rarely have time as I change diapers and feed babies day and night. The poetry I write lies between the covers of my journal. What is He doing? Why is He wasting my life like this? I have so much more to give!

To be honest, these are some of the thoughts that come to mind when I have a moment to stop and think. They bubble under the surface of my consciousness, undermining my emotions even when I am not aware of them. When they are exposed, I show them to the only One who can answer my questions. Gently He begins to dig more deeply, probing my heart:

"You have the most important assignment that I could give to you. The little ones I have put into your care are so precious to me that I have given them my best. You. All the talents and gifts I have given to you, all the passion and desire, are meant to be poured into them day and night. You may not minister widely, but you will minister deeply to these few I have given you."

Then I remember. Didn't He waste His Son in the same way? And I am satisfied.

The Point of Our Existence

I just have to share this quote from an essay called "Man or Rabbit?" that I read in God in the Dock, a compilation of articles and essays by C. S. Lewis. I have been savoring it all evening.

"'When that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.' The idea of reaching 'a good life' without Christ is based on a double error. Firstly, we cannot do it; and secondly, in setting up 'a good life' as our final goal, we have missed the very point of our existence. Morality is a mountain which we cannot climb by our own efforts; and if we could we should only perish in the ice and unbreathable air of the summit, lacking those wings with which the rest of the journey has to be accomplished. For it is from there that the real ascent begins. The ropes and axes are 'done away' and the rest is a matter of flying."

All this time, while I am busy trying to scale this daunting mountain of living "a good life," the Lord is saying, "Look at Me! Let me carry you, for you cannot ascend on your own. You are sweating and working so hard and getting nowhere. For you are not meant to be 'worried, conscientious, ethical, ... [or] cowardly and sensual.' I made you to be 'a real Man, an ageless god, a son of God, strong, radiant, wise, beautiful, and drenched in joy.' Look up! I mean to give you wings to fly!

(Lewis' opening quote is from 1 Corinthians 13:10.)