Quiet the Noise!

What does a bookish, peace-loving escapist do when she has four children ages five and under? Run? Hide under the covers? (Many days I’ve wanted to.) Or pray? Life with my little “bonbons” has driven me to prayer more than anything else. My life drives me to desperation on a near-daily basis. I find that the pressure of my current circumstances is what has motivated me to seek the Lord with a passion and intensity previously unknown to me. I used to float through life in a semi-dream state (just ask my mom). Now I am forced to encounter present reality nearly every moment of the day.

As I write this, I am sitting at the house of prayer. My wakeful (and, for the past hour-and-a-half, fussy) seven-week-old is struggling against the wrap in which I have him tied to me. I'm hoping he’ll go to sleep. I would like to snatch half an hour of peace away from the house which never seems quite picked up no matter how hard I try, the laundry that is never fully done, and the computer that beckons me to plan, research, buy, do, and escape through hours of endless browsing.

There is always far more to do than I can possibly accomplish. After I have cared for my children’s physical and emotional needs there is always much more I want or need to do: more housework, more email, more reading (yeah right, though I do snatch time for my favorite activity), more study, more projects … and even when I stop to spend time with the Lord, I have to choose how I will do it. Do I turn on the IHOP stream and worship? Or do I do an in-depth Bible study (and, if that, which of the many studies I want to do will I work on today)? Do I read something from my stack of books or listen to an RHOP podcast? Do I meditate on one verse or read several chapters? Or do I simply sit quietly and listen? I feel overwhelmed with options.

I am becoming convinced that which option I choose isn’t really the issue. God is not limited to one form of communication. He can speak to me through any of them. The real question is why I am coming into His presence. Is it to check another task off my to-do list, or to encounter Him? Over the past few years, I have made several lifestyle choices to make more room for seeking the Lord. But even with fewer distractions in my life, it is too easy to fill every moment with noise, even if the noise comes only from my own thoughts. In the midst of living a lifestyle meant to encourage the pursuit of God, I can still miss actually meeting with Him.

Lord, help me! Help me to let go of everything but my hunger for You. Stoke the flame of desire in me until everything else falls away and I am face-to-face with You. “I will seek You in the quiet place” of my soul. Amid the noise of life, let my spirit rest in You until all is quiet within. Let me be attentive to what is on Your heart today.

The baby finally fell asleep. :)

This was written in my journal several months ago, but I am just now posting it. It seems appropriate as we begin focusing on The Power of a Focused Life for the next few weeks.

Peace and Faith

I was so encouraged by these words that I heard in the prayer room yesterday (sung by Justin Rizzo and his team on the Friday 10am set) that I thought I would put down some of them here:

Be anxious about nothing
In all things give Him praise
Be anxious about nothing
In all things give Him thanks
Be anxious about nothing
But give glory to the Lord

Your peace is coming to my soul
Like the calm after the storm
Your peace is coming to my heart
Your peace is giving me a fresh start

Cloudiness is gone, all the haze as I gaze upon Your face. Nowhere in Your Word did you encourage me to live by my own reasoning, my own logic. How many times did you say, "O, you of little faith"? I think I have too much common sense for my own good sometimes. There's no common sense in faith. Faith is believing. Faith is trusting that the Red Sea will part, that the blind will see, that the dead will live.

Could it be that You're keeping my future fuzzy that I would grow in faith? Could it be that You're that in love with me?