Three Lessons I've Learned (I Hope)

The past few weeks I have had to sit and lie down most of the time. Others have amazed me with their willingness to come alongside and help care for my children and household. And, while I have been tired, in pain, and generally having a bad attitude, God has been using this time to teach me some much-needed lessons. I didn't know it would take getting what I wanted (some time off to rest) to bring me face-to-face with myself.

Lesson 1: Being able to rest all the time (and have others do my work) doesn’t solve my problems. In my imagination, if I had all the time in the world, I would spend lots more of it reading my Bible, praying, worshiping, etc. But it is no easier to focus on God when I am in bed all day than it is when I am busy. It's just as hard to fight through boredom to connect with Him as it is to fight through busyness.

Lesson 2: I need to listen to my body more, and stop when I need to rest, even if not everything gets done. It's okay to stop now and then. In fact, the kids love it. Mommy is finally still enough for us to sit on her lap!

Lesson 3: The work will, somehow, get done (even if I have to ask for help), but my children can only be taught by me. Only I can invest in them the way God wants me to. If I don’t connect with them, they will be influenced by whoever else spends time with them, whether that is a friend, relative, or the television. I am jealous for that person to be me!

It is so easy to get it mixed up, because at the end of the day it is easy to point out all that I’ve gotten done and feel good about having a clean house. (Oh, that rotten pride!) It is harder to feel I have something to show for the day when I have invested time in my children but my to-do list has un-checked chores. I don’t think it’s an either/or situation. God must have a way for me to do everything that I need to do. But I am finding that, just as with my quiet time, if I don’t put my children’s education before housework, it ends up rarely happening. If I do put it first, I trust that the other will find a way of getting done more efficiently.

So on to the second priority! God first, family second. I'm grateful that God has removed my ability to do anything at all so that He can show me more clearly the way He wants me to prioritize my time.

Who then is the faithful, thoughtful, and wise servant, whom his master has put in charge of his household to give to the others the food and supplies at the proper time? Blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied) is that servant whom, when his master comes, he will find so doing. I solemnly declare to you, he will set him over all his possessions (Mt. 24:45-47).

Shout for Joy?!?

Being forced to lie around while others do most of my work brings unique challenges. My phlegmatic nature enjoyed the first few days, but after awhile even I can start getting impatient with the boredom and lethargy (not to mention feeling bad that others are having to work extra hard to make up for me). I have really struggled with my attitude in the past few weeks. But God keeps speaking to me from Psalm 81 (and other similar passages).

Sing aloud to God our Strength! Shout for joy to the God of Jacob! (Psalm 81:1).

Me? Rejoice in triumph? Shout for joy? That's just about the last thing I feel like doing. I feel so discouraged and out of sorts … anything but joyful and triumphant. I guess I don’t have to feel triumphant in order to shout joyfully. I will obey in faith, even though it’s the opposite of how I feel. For You, Lord, are my strength, the life of my body and spirit, my security, the only One who is majestic and worthy of praise. I will blow an alarm and make a joyful noise to You, my God.

(This reminded me of the shofar my mom got from Israel many years ago. How she used to annoy and fascinate me by blowing it and shouting to God when I still lived in my parents' house! A bit sheepishly, I borrowed it from her. After all, as I discovered with a little research on e-Sword, the word used in Ps. 81:1 for "shout for joy" literally means to "blow an alarm" on the shofar.)

I removed his shoulder from the burden; his hands were freed from the basket (81:6).

You have chosen this time to remove my shoulder from the burden of my daily tasks. I cannot lead RHOP Moms, do my housework, or really do much of anything. You have freed my hands. I am spending my days lying down and resting, though chafing at it. Now that I have the freedom I have desired to meditate on You, read Your Word, and rest in You, I find it difficult to be focused. Instead, I feel guilty for lying down while others do the work, resentful when my body is weary and in pain, and complaining in my spirit. Amazing how it is still hard to focus on You even while I am doing nothing. When nausea hits, I am wearied of even thinking, and I just want to escape. But You are inviting me to a new place. A place where I yearn for You even when I don’t feel well. A place where I keep calling out to You even when I don’t feel You.

You called in distress and I delivered you; I answered you in the secret place of thunder; I tested you at the waters of Meribah. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! (81:7).

Lord, I am in distress, and I am calling out to You. Deliver me from the bondage of my sinful nature. You have made me a new person, one who is like You. Help me to walk (or lie down) in Your Spirit, and not in the spirit of the flesh. I am weak, constantly struggling against the path You’ve given me to walk. Free me from a spirit of complaining. You are delivering this baby and me. You are daily providing the help that we need. In the midst of all Your provision, I am still complaining that it’s not enough, just as Israel did at Meribah. Teach me contentment and trust in You. Forgive me for my unbelief. You are answering me. You are enough for me.

I am the Lord your God, Who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide and I will fill it (81:10).

Lord, I will open my mouth to You in praise and adoration. You will feed me with the finest wheat of Your presence; with honey out of the Rock you will satisfy me (81:16). I will be satisfied in You. I will have no other gods before You, not gods of comfort or ease or physical health, not getting my own way, self-sufficiency, pride, or anger. I will embrace humility, gratitude, and joy. Keep pressing me, Lord. Make me sweet wine of Your presence, a fountain of living water flowing to refresh You and those around me. Thank you for the honey of Your Word, coming out of the Rock, Christ Jesus. Satisfy my soul with Your love.

RHOP Moms Update!

I am so excited to update you about what's going on with RHOP Moms! God is just so good, and I am praising Him!!

As many may know by now, I am eight weeks pregnant and mostly on bedrest. I've been having cramping and some light spotting (though the spotting has been gone for a week now, praise God!). Since I had a miscarriage last year, we are being very cautious. As you can imagine, I'm not getting out of the house much these days. I have had total peace that God will provide for RHOP Moms during this time, and it is to that end that I am glad to announce that . . .

RHOP Moms will continue as usual!!!!! Sarah Williams and Jennifer Ryan, amazing women of God, have agreed to continue leading in my absence. Also, we have decided to conclude our study of Song of Solomon for now. Starting this Friday, we will be reading and discussing Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge. This book has been on our hearts for a while as the direction we wanted to go next, and now seems like a good time to make the transition. You will be encouraged with truth and practical ideas for your personal pursuit of God.

We are working on making copies of the book available, so stay tuned. Sarah will hopefully have more news about that on Friday.

I am so grateful for each one of you and eagerly anticipating what God will do in this season!

-Michelle