Deceptive Fantasy

A deceptive fantasy has been my constant companion. Whispering sweet nothings in my ear. "You can do it. You have to do it. You can slow down once you get it all done. Then you can play with your kids. Then you can take them to the park. Then you can relax."

The elusive then.

And recently I realized something profound.

Then will never come.

The fantasy shifts, elusive. Some days it looks like a spic 'n' span house. (Most days.)

Some days it looks like six baby books all updated and full of pictures (ha!).

Some days it looks like all the kids' school work done and all our goals met for the week.

Some days it looks like all the laundry caught up [hysterical laughter].

The fantasy changes, but one thing is consistent. Whatever I have accomplished, it tells me that I must do more. There is no time to be, for it always demands more.

So I have made a decision.

No more fantasy.

I am going to live my dream life now. Right in the middle of the mess, piles of laundry that are never caught up, toys that are never all picked up, dishes that are never completely done, baby books that may never be caught up, and goals that may rarely be met.

I will enjoy my life and enjoy my children. Today.

Goodbye, deceptive fantasy. Hello, beautiful reality.

Getting Up

For a few months after the birth of a baby (or babies!) my schedule is completely disrupted. I am sure you can relate. The past few weeks it's been sputtering back into some semblance of order. Now I am starting to feel ready to start my day before the kids get up, but I am having to be reminded why. Why give up an hour of sleep when it seems like tiredness is my constant companion? What should I do with that time when I do get up? This morning I journaled my thoughts, speaking to my soul and trying to listen to the Holy Spirit. I hope they encourage someone that you are not alone in the struggle.

My thoughts get so confused sometimes. Why do I get up early? To be with You. Then why am I so easily distracted? My warm bed lures me to stay even though I know the day will be so much harder if I don't have this quiet time with You first. Baskets of unfolded laundry stare at me. The kitchen pulls with its multiple tasks. Before I know it, this precious hour could be whittled away to nothing. I have the rest of the day to do those things. I have only this hour to be with You.

Why are the best (and, really, most pleasant) things sometimes the hardest? Both laziness and responsibility pull me away from a place of simple trust and obedience. Help me to find the place of rest in You, the place of faith. Here I am, Lord, at Your feet. Putting the first thing first. The rest of the day is for others. This part is Yours. Have Your way with me.

Then, as I put aside my journal and waited on the Lord, I heard His whisper in my soul, "Give in to Me, beloved. I am here. I delight in you. Don't strive. Rest in me."

I pray that you will find a place of rest in Him today.

"All of God's Power"

"If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet" (John 13:14).

"Ministering in everyday opportunities that surround us does not mean that we select our own surroundings--it means being God's very special choice to be available for use in any of the seemingly random surroundings which He has engineered for us. The very character we exhibit in our present surroundings is an indication of what we will be like in other surroundings.

"The things Jesus did were the most menial of everyday tasks, and this is an indication that it takes all of God's power in me to accomplish even the most common tasks in His way. Can I use a towel as He did? Towels, dishes, sandals, and all the other ordinary things in our lives reveal what we are made of more quickly than anything else. It takes God Almighty Incarnate in us to do the most menial duty as it ought to be done" (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, 9/11).

Towels, dishes, sandals ... I can hardly think of better words to describe the everyday-ness of life as a a mom. I am encouraged to realize that these things are so important that it takes all of God's power to do them well. I mostly rush through the work in my own strength, when all the time Jesus wants to reveal Himself to and through me in the midst of it. Lord, let Your power be made real in me to do the most daily, mundane work. Help me to see it as significant as You see it. Reveal Your character in me.

I had just posted this and then went to one of my favorite blogs and saw this post. Just had to share it with you.

The Season We're In

I wrote this post on my personal blog to share my thoughts on adoption, but I thought that it might be encouraging to all moms. Please click here if you'd like to read it.

Three Lessons I've Learned (I Hope)

The past few weeks I have had to sit and lie down most of the time. Others have amazed me with their willingness to come alongside and help care for my children and household. And, while I have been tired, in pain, and generally having a bad attitude, God has been using this time to teach me some much-needed lessons. I didn't know it would take getting what I wanted (some time off to rest) to bring me face-to-face with myself.

Lesson 1: Being able to rest all the time (and have others do my work) doesn’t solve my problems. In my imagination, if I had all the time in the world, I would spend lots more of it reading my Bible, praying, worshiping, etc. But it is no easier to focus on God when I am in bed all day than it is when I am busy. It's just as hard to fight through boredom to connect with Him as it is to fight through busyness.

Lesson 2: I need to listen to my body more, and stop when I need to rest, even if not everything gets done. It's okay to stop now and then. In fact, the kids love it. Mommy is finally still enough for us to sit on her lap!

Lesson 3: The work will, somehow, get done (even if I have to ask for help), but my children can only be taught by me. Only I can invest in them the way God wants me to. If I don’t connect with them, they will be influenced by whoever else spends time with them, whether that is a friend, relative, or the television. I am jealous for that person to be me!

It is so easy to get it mixed up, because at the end of the day it is easy to point out all that I’ve gotten done and feel good about having a clean house. (Oh, that rotten pride!) It is harder to feel I have something to show for the day when I have invested time in my children but my to-do list has un-checked chores. I don’t think it’s an either/or situation. God must have a way for me to do everything that I need to do. But I am finding that, just as with my quiet time, if I don’t put my children’s education before housework, it ends up rarely happening. If I do put it first, I trust that the other will find a way of getting done more efficiently.

So on to the second priority! God first, family second. I'm grateful that God has removed my ability to do anything at all so that He can show me more clearly the way He wants me to prioritize my time.

Who then is the faithful, thoughtful, and wise servant, whom his master has put in charge of his household to give to the others the food and supplies at the proper time? Blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied) is that servant whom, when his master comes, he will find so doing. I solemnly declare to you, he will set him over all his possessions (Mt. 24:45-47).

One Thing

This is something I shared at RHOP this evening, and I want to share it here as well:

“. . . [W]e must have the willingness to stop everything to further develop our life of prayer” (Bob Hartley, Prophetic Insight, Vision for 2007).

As moms, it is so easy to be distracted by the many good things we want to do with/for our children. Home school, sports, extracurricular activities, housework, all can eat up our days. But One Thing must come first. We must learn to live the Sermon on the Mount lifestyle ourselves, model it to our children, and teach it to them as normal Christianity. In order to do that, we must go deep in God. We, perhaps more than any other vocational calling, can no longer satisfy ourselves with Sunday Christianity and gleaning from the plates of others. We are raising up God’s warriors. We must know what we’re doing, what His heart is toward us and them. We are preparing the end-time generation. If we do not have a deep, firm foundation of personal knowledge of God, then how will we pass this on to our children? It is absolutely urgent that we begin to seek God now, with all our hearts, and let everything else take second place.

“. . . God must be woven into all areas of life and invited into every hidden corner . . . “ (Hartley).

We no longer have the luxury of separating our lives into compartments. God must invade our every moment, every thought, every decision, every interaction. We must not be satisfied until we have His presence manifest in our lives and our families. Let us discover joy in our life’s purpose, begin hearing God’s heart, and greatly honor His desires above our own. Let us substantially alter our priorities to match the priorities of heaven.

(Much wording borrowed from Hartley.)