Be Worthy of Me

Yesterday evening we read and discussed chapter 3 in Sacred Influence, "Be Worthy of Me." I read through the verses that were referenced regarding walking a life that is worthy of the Lord. Oh, how I desire to live toward my children, my husband, and my Lord in a way that is worthy of Him and of them! And oh, how I fail every day!

The verses that especially challenge me are Ephesians 4:1-3. In the version I've been using for my devotional time, it says, "Therefore I, the prisoner united with the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called. Always be humble, gentle, and patient, bearing with one another in love, and making every effort to preserve the unity the Spirit gives through the binding power of peace" (Complete Jewish Bible).

Humble ... gentle ... patient? I wouldn't really use those words to characterize me yesterday toward my children. "Bearing with one another in love"? Hardly. I was mostly frustrated and impatient. Thankfully, I never totally lost it with them yesterday, but I was certainly close many times.

This is so much more than I can possibly do! I cannot live worthy of Him! At least ... in my own strength I cannot.

But thanks to the Lord, He lives to make intercession for me (Hebrews 7:25)! When I am weak, I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). He is able to keep me from stumbling (Jude 1:24). He works in me both to will and to do according to His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13)!

Lord, have Your way with me! Work Your character in me. Cultivate the fruit of Your Spirit in me. Renew my mind. Purify my heart. Keep me from going astray. On my own, I am but a foolish, wayward sheep. You protect and keep me. I place myself in Your hands.

Psalm 51 is the prayer of my heart today.

Stop

A few weeks ago, my husband got a ticket for not coming to a complete, four-wheel stop at a stop sign. Since then, though I thought his stopping technique was just fine, I have been paying more attention to my own stops while driving. I have been discovering how hard it is to make myself stop that completely. Sure, I pause to look around and make sure it's safe to proceed, but to come to a complete, absolute, dead stop seems like a pointless waste of time. Especially when there are no other drivers or pedestrians in sight.

But one night as I drove home from church recently, I heard the whisper of the Holy Spirit in my soul, "You don't come to complete stops in life, either." At first I thought He was talking to the wrong half of my blessed marriage union. My husband is the one who identifies himself by the name of a high speed race car, the salt racer. I am more the pondering, meandering type, comparatively.

However, realizing that the Holy Spirit may have more insight than I have, I asked Him, "What 'stop signs' have been moving past too quickly?" This was His answer:

"I have put stop points in Your day. First thing in the morning, nap time, and in the evening, for example. During those times, put aside all your doings and stop. Be with Me. Rest in Me. Let me fill you, refresh you, invigorate you, envision you. There are times for doing. But take the time to stop with Me."

I am happy to report that I have been doing a bit better in this area. This morning when I woke, I used the five minutes I had before getting the kids up to sit down and pray (instead of getting dressed - did that later - much later). I asked for wisdom and direction and that my words, tone of voice, and facial expressions would reflect Him today. (Not that I succeeded perfectly in this - not even close - but I figure if I keep asking He will surely help me to get closer each day.) Then, halfway through the morning when I started to feel "a quart low" (a favorite quote of my quotable son from the Pixar movie, Cars), I went into my walk-in closet, closed the door, and just lay on the floor for a few minutes, asking to be refilled and re-envisioned. And He did that, in spite of the fact that the door was opened several times by inquisitive children wanting to know why Mommy was lying on the closet floor!

So I encourage you to take some time to come to a "complete stop" today too. It can be really hard to do. It may seem like a waste of time. But you'll be glad you did.

Getting Up

For a few months after the birth of a baby (or babies!) my schedule is completely disrupted. I am sure you can relate. The past few weeks it's been sputtering back into some semblance of order. Now I am starting to feel ready to start my day before the kids get up, but I am having to be reminded why. Why give up an hour of sleep when it seems like tiredness is my constant companion? What should I do with that time when I do get up? This morning I journaled my thoughts, speaking to my soul and trying to listen to the Holy Spirit. I hope they encourage someone that you are not alone in the struggle.

My thoughts get so confused sometimes. Why do I get up early? To be with You. Then why am I so easily distracted? My warm bed lures me to stay even though I know the day will be so much harder if I don't have this quiet time with You first. Baskets of unfolded laundry stare at me. The kitchen pulls with its multiple tasks. Before I know it, this precious hour could be whittled away to nothing. I have the rest of the day to do those things. I have only this hour to be with You.

Why are the best (and, really, most pleasant) things sometimes the hardest? Both laziness and responsibility pull me away from a place of simple trust and obedience. Help me to find the place of rest in You, the place of faith. Here I am, Lord, at Your feet. Putting the first thing first. The rest of the day is for others. This part is Yours. Have Your way with me.

Then, as I put aside my journal and waited on the Lord, I heard His whisper in my soul, "Give in to Me, beloved. I am here. I delight in you. Don't strive. Rest in me."

I pray that you will find a place of rest in Him today.

Unexpected Answer to Prayer

Last month I was so blessed to be able to go to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City for three days! I also visited with a very dear friend whom I have known for over 15 years but rarely get to see.

While I was in the prayer room, I was crying out to God that I really need Him to meet me daily with the strength and energy I need to care for the family He has given me. Instead of whining about it like I mostly have in the past, I simply came to Him in trust, knowing that He must have a way of providing for me since He gave me these responsibilities. In response, I felt that He promised to give me a burst of energy each day to help me accomplish more. Not just to push through the weariness, but to be able to run like a sprinter. I expected that burst to come during nap time, buying me a couple of extra hours each day to get something done instead of sleeping. Instead, He has been getting me up early!

I have never been (voluntarily) an early riser. But He has given me the faith to set my alarm for 5am every day so I can get most of my daily chores done and have an hour for quiet time with Him before the kids get up. And I am experiencing that burst of energy that He promised me! I am still often tired during the day, but not more than before. And I am so much more relaxed with the kids because I am able to get so much more done. I don't feel pressure during the day to try to get so much done while they're clinging to my legs (which just drives me crazy) and instead I can sit down and take more time with them during the day. I'm also slowly starting to be able to get control of some other organizing and cleaning projects that I haven't been able to get to for a long time.

I am so grateful that the Lord is meeting me in this totally unexpected way. I am still taking naps each day (totally crashing for an hour or two in the afternoons is a better way to put it), but I am in a better mood overall and feeling more hope than I have for a long time. In fact, I look forward to waking up each morning to have those uninterrupted hours of feeling good and getting stuff done!

My prayer for you is this: that you will open up your heart to the Lord in full trust, asking Him for what you really want and need. He wants to meet you there! I pray that the answer will come quickly and that you will be given the faith to step out and do what He says, even if the answer isn't what you expected.

Oh, how He loves us!

Daily Receiving Practice

Here is a guest post by Christina Lovell. She is sharing what God spoke to her through Caron Loveless at a recent women's meeting at The Rock of Roseville. I have been trying this for the past few weeks and it is impacting my perspective already!

"We can not give what we do not have."

In the Old Testament, the first five of the Ten Commandments are about loving God first. The last five are about loving others. In the New Testament, JESUS gave a new commandment, "... that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another" (John 13:34, NKJV).

Loving others is how we show that we love God. We are loving God by loving others. Loving Others = Loving God. But it is impossible to do this without receiving HIS love first. As humans our love leaks. Our love is handicapped (due to such things as life wounds, ways we were mistreated, how we were raised, when we were not shown God's love, etc.)

Try this "Daily Receiving Practice" each day to RECEIVE His love for you personally. Out of His love, we can then love others.

Each day, take five minutes to sit in a quiet place. Lie down and close your eyes. (As women, if we sit up and look around, we can get distracted by what needs to be done around us.) Do not worship, try to press in, or pray. Simply say "Lord, You see me here. You love me completely." Breathe His love in, and breathe it out.

Then, throughout the day, look for moments HE will give to extend HIS love to others. At night write down how you loved that day. If there were times you missed it, JESUS replies, you must have forgotten how much I love you! Love better next time.

This has truly changed my life. I sit to receive His love even if I've missed my quiet time before our children get up. I remember one morning. as I sat receiving, I heard our children running toward me. I said, "Lord, here they come!" And HE said, "I will pour my love out on you even if you cannot give Me the five minutes. Because you have chosen the better part, to receive, I will freely give what you need in a moment of time."

Share this practice with your children. Do it together! You will be surprised at the unity and love they will have for their brothers, sisters, and God. Remember, "We love HIM because HE first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Receive His love together and then see how it flows out to one another.

"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends" (John 15:12-13).

"As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love" (John 15:9).

"... the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13).

"Let all that you do be done with love" (1Corinthians 16:14).

Desire

I have felt God call my heart to deeper intimacy. As a wife and mother, I have also felt that this was not practical for me at this time in my life. Having a short devotional time in the morning was often more than I could manage. So, for a couple of years, I tried to tell my heart to wait until my children are older. Finally, I could no longer stand it. In desperation, I cried out to God to show me how I can pursue Him even now.

I have talked with other moms who tell me that they feel the same way. One mom shared that God showed her that her children are like weights strapped to her arms and legs. She cried out to God, how do you expect me to run the race with so much to carry? He told her that she would not run fast, but she would become strong. So this blog is for any mom who, like me, needs the encouragement of others on this race (sometimes it feels like an obstacle course!) of godly motherhood.

I love this quote from Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ by Jeanne Guyon:

“. . . you may feel that you simply are not one of those people capable of a deep experience with Jesus Christ. Most Christians do not feel that they have been called to a deep, inward relationship to their Lord. But we have all been called to the depths of Christ just as surely as we have been called to salvation."

If all have been called, then that includes moms. I believe that mothers do not have to wait until their children are grown to pursue God in a deeper way. Let us encourage each other so that we will not grow weary on this journey alone.

Lord, it is so difficult for us as moms to commit to anything for ourselves. Give us a holy determination to push through every obstacle. Begin to transform our perspective. Show us how much more You have for us, even today.

(Originally posted 7/24/06)

A Lily Among Thorns

This is an excerpt from my journal that I thought might be an encouragement to you.

"Like a lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters" (Song of Solomon 2:2 NKJV).

Jesus, You have long know this about me (which I am just finding out about myself), that I am a lily which grows best among thorns. If I were in a greenhouse, pampered under ideal conditions, then I would grow more and more arrogant, self-satisfied, discontented, and weak. One blast of a cold, north wind and I would wither away. Instead, because You love me and desire my love, You have placed me whee I must struggle to see the sun. You have planted me where I have to push my roots down deep to stay steady. Because of this, I long for You will all my being. I get up early to catch a few minutes' sunlight in the morning. I set aside a few other pleasures so that I may seek a few evening rays as well. I feed on You, drinking deeply of the water of life whenever I find a pocket in the soil.

If my life was easier, I wouldn't be so desperate for You. If You spoiled me, I would grow cold toward You. As it is, I find my joy increasing. As my circumstances require me to depend more on You and less on myself, my passion and contentment grow.

You, my Beloved, are like an apple tree among the trees of the woods. I sit down in Your shade with great delight, and Your fruit is sweet to my taste (from Song 2:3). Thank You for planting me here in this high, mountain valley, sheltered in Your presence (see Psalm 91:1).

Something Worked!

So many things in my life don't work they way I want them to (like potty training my son and keeping up with the laundry and housework) that when something does work, I want to shout it from the housetops. While I realize that two days doesn't exactly indicate consistency, there is just something about what we did today and yesterday that feels right and lasting.

Yesterday and today, I actually had a devotional prayer time with the kids that was fun and life-giving for all of us! We have tried so many different things over the past couple of years that at times I've been very discouraged. Gradually I've given up on trying to do my ideal and just gone for what doesn't make me or the kids too frustrated. And in the process, we are gradually learning what works for us.

What we did today is really quite simple: First, we read a short section from Mark. I keep it very, very short (5-10 verses at most) so that there's a chance of keeping their attention. We are reading from the New Living Translation, which seems to have a good storytelling style of language. Then I ask the kids if they have any questions about the story or to tell me something they heard (just one thing, even if they can just remember one word I said, I count it success).

A side note about the kids actually hearing the Word: I have gradually come to believe that it is important that they get the living Word of God directly, not just Bible stories or devotional readings. The Bible promises that the Word brings life (Matthew 13:23). So I would rather they hear a few words from the Bible and not understand it all than many words of a story. For if His Word does not return void (Isaiah 55:11), then I believe that something they heard will stay in them and be magnified over their lifetime by the Holy Spirit until it actually does bring life to them.

If, after I've read the verses I've chosen, they don't remember any of it, I remind them that these are their life words. If they don't take their life words (like taking medicine), they will die. And the only way they can take their life medicine is through their ears. Then I read it again. I try to make the reading as fun as I'm able (my ability to do this varies greatly day to day). Sometimes I simply have them repeat every word or phrase after me. Other days I try to do dramatic voices and actions. Every now and then we're really creative and each child acts out part of the story. Then I ask them again to tell me something about the story or to ask a question. Usually by the second reading they have heard something. Hallelujah!

This next part is my favorite. Inspired by this post, we've started writing prayer requests on index cards. I pass out an index card to each child. We sing one of our favorite Bible verses, "Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever," (Psalm 107:1). Then each child prays for the request on their card (mostly repeating after me). Then we sing another favorite verse, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4). The kids really get into this part as we clap and dance around.

I think the best part for me is that I feel a smile in my spirit afterwards, like we've really touched Heaven.

While we do have to be careful not to compare ourselves with one another (I am so prone to that!), it can sometimes be very encouraging to hear what others do so we can incorporate ideas that sound fun for our family. I'd love to hear what works for you! If you have an idea you'd like to share, please leave a comment so we can all be encouraged.

Note: Lest anyone think better of me than I really am, please do not misunderstand me. While my goal is to have a daily prayer time with my children, there are many days when it just does not happen. I have been learning, with them and in my own personal prayer time, to not look back and simply to see each day as a new day and a new opportunity. And though, on a day-to-day level, it looks very inconsistent, over the course of a month or a year we are actually making progress!

Quiet the Noise!

What does a bookish, peace-loving escapist do when she has four children ages five and under? Run? Hide under the covers? (Many days I’ve wanted to.) Or pray? Life with my little “bonbons” has driven me to prayer more than anything else. My life drives me to desperation on a near-daily basis. I find that the pressure of my current circumstances is what has motivated me to seek the Lord with a passion and intensity previously unknown to me. I used to float through life in a semi-dream state (just ask my mom). Now I am forced to encounter present reality nearly every moment of the day.

As I write this, I am sitting at the house of prayer. My wakeful (and, for the past hour-and-a-half, fussy) seven-week-old is struggling against the wrap in which I have him tied to me. I'm hoping he’ll go to sleep. I would like to snatch half an hour of peace away from the house which never seems quite picked up no matter how hard I try, the laundry that is never fully done, and the computer that beckons me to plan, research, buy, do, and escape through hours of endless browsing.

There is always far more to do than I can possibly accomplish. After I have cared for my children’s physical and emotional needs there is always much more I want or need to do: more housework, more email, more reading (yeah right, though I do snatch time for my favorite activity), more study, more projects … and even when I stop to spend time with the Lord, I have to choose how I will do it. Do I turn on the IHOP stream and worship? Or do I do an in-depth Bible study (and, if that, which of the many studies I want to do will I work on today)? Do I read something from my stack of books or listen to an RHOP podcast? Do I meditate on one verse or read several chapters? Or do I simply sit quietly and listen? I feel overwhelmed with options.

I am becoming convinced that which option I choose isn’t really the issue. God is not limited to one form of communication. He can speak to me through any of them. The real question is why I am coming into His presence. Is it to check another task off my to-do list, or to encounter Him? Over the past few years, I have made several lifestyle choices to make more room for seeking the Lord. But even with fewer distractions in my life, it is too easy to fill every moment with noise, even if the noise comes only from my own thoughts. In the midst of living a lifestyle meant to encourage the pursuit of God, I can still miss actually meeting with Him.

Lord, help me! Help me to let go of everything but my hunger for You. Stoke the flame of desire in me until everything else falls away and I am face-to-face with You. “I will seek You in the quiet place” of my soul. Amid the noise of life, let my spirit rest in You until all is quiet within. Let me be attentive to what is on Your heart today.

The baby finally fell asleep. :)

This was written in my journal several months ago, but I am just now posting it. It seems appropriate as we begin focusing on The Power of a Focused Life for the next few weeks.

Good Morning, God!

I didn't want to get up early this morning, but I did, and look what encouragement God had planned for me! I trust that you will be encouraged as well.

Coffee with God