A deceptive fantasy has been my constant companion. Whispering sweet nothings in my ear. "You can do it. You have to do it. You can slow down once you get it all done. Then you can play with your kids. Then you can take them to the park. Then you can relax."
The elusive then.
And recently I realized something profound.
Then will never come.
The fantasy shifts, elusive. Some days it looks like a spic 'n' span house. (Most days.)
Some days it looks like six baby books all updated and full of pictures (ha!).
Some days it looks like all the kids' school work done and all our goals met for the week.
Some days it looks like all the laundry caught up [hysterical laughter].
The fantasy changes, but one thing is consistent. Whatever I have accomplished, it tells me that I must do more. There is no time to be, for it always demands more.
So I have made a decision.
No more fantasy.
I am going to live my dream life now. Right in the middle of the mess, piles of laundry that are never caught up, toys that are never all picked up, dishes that are never completely done, baby books that may never be caught up, and goals that may rarely be met.
I will enjoy my life and enjoy my children. Today.
Goodbye, deceptive fantasy. Hello, beautiful reality.
Showing posts with label mundane. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mundane. Show all posts
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Getting Real
If you want to know more about me and the real, sad, funny imperfectness of my life - and (or) if you want to share about yours - read these posts on my personal blog!
Let's Get Real
Let's Get Real Some More
Let's Get Real
Let's Get Real Some More
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Repetition
day after day
hour by hour
over and over
again and again
the laundry, the dishes,
the diapers, the breakfasts,
the laundry, the dishes,
the diapers, the lunches,
the laundry, the dishes,
the diapers, the dinners
the bedtimes, the prayers
then do it again
what does it mean?
does it all matter?
what am I doing?
wasting my life??
do all these dishes
and laundry and diapers
and lunches and dinners
get me anywhere?
whispers in quiet
voice always speaking
if I can listen
past all my doubts
"Each act of love,
each act of giving,
really does matter
I really do care.
"Every time that
you wash the dishes,
every item of
clothing you fold,
"I add a jewel to the
gown that I'm making
for you to wear
on our wedding day.
"So don't be discouraged,
My beautiful bride,
I see you and notice;
you will be repaid."
hour by hour
over and over
again and again
the laundry, the dishes,
the diapers, the breakfasts,
the laundry, the dishes,
the diapers, the lunches,
the laundry, the dishes,
the diapers, the dinners
the bedtimes, the prayers
then do it again
what does it mean?
does it all matter?
what am I doing?
wasting my life??
do all these dishes
and laundry and diapers
and lunches and dinners
get me anywhere?
whispers in quiet
voice always speaking
if I can listen
past all my doubts
"Each act of love,
each act of giving,
really does matter
I really do care.
"Every time that
you wash the dishes,
every item of
clothing you fold,
"I add a jewel to the
gown that I'm making
for you to wear
on our wedding day.
"So don't be discouraged,
My beautiful bride,
I see you and notice;
you will be repaid."
Monday, October 19, 2009
What a Waste
What a waste God makes of His resources. Wouldn't I be better used serving Him in a more public way, ministering to hundreds or thousands? He's given me some talent. Isn't it wasted day after day as I am hidden behind these four walls? I can sing, but the only people who hear me are a few little children. I write love songs to Him, but the only people who learn them are barely able to read. I have some ability to draw, but I rarely have time as I change diapers and feed babies day and night. The poetry I write lies between the covers of my journal. What is He doing? Why is He wasting my life like this? I have so much more to give!
To be honest, these are some of the thoughts that come to mind when I have a moment to stop and think. They bubble under the surface of my consciousness, undermining my emotions even when I am not aware of them. When they are exposed, I show them to the only One who can answer my questions. Gently He begins to dig more deeply, probing my heart:
"You have the most important assignment that I could give to you. The little ones I have put into your care are so precious to me that I have given them my best. You. All the talents and gifts I have given to you, all the passion and desire, are meant to be poured into them day and night. You may not minister widely, but you will minister deeply to these few I have given you."
Then I remember. Didn't He waste His Son in the same way? And I am satisfied.
To be honest, these are some of the thoughts that come to mind when I have a moment to stop and think. They bubble under the surface of my consciousness, undermining my emotions even when I am not aware of them. When they are exposed, I show them to the only One who can answer my questions. Gently He begins to dig more deeply, probing my heart:
"You have the most important assignment that I could give to you. The little ones I have put into your care are so precious to me that I have given them my best. You. All the talents and gifts I have given to you, all the passion and desire, are meant to be poured into them day and night. You may not minister widely, but you will minister deeply to these few I have given you."
Then I remember. Didn't He waste His Son in the same way? And I am satisfied.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
What to do today?
I posted this on my personal blog last week but thought that it would be appropriate here as well.
What to do today?
Many chores beckon,
Duties never-ending,
Children always needing,
Errands to be done.
But ...
Baby niece born last night
Tiny bundle of sweetness
Life beginning, makes me think
What really matters?
Should I vacuum all the house
Fold the laundry, organize,
Bead a necklace, shop for food,
Practice piano, write a song?
Somehow I don't know where to start
Today - just a Tuesday, I guess
But not.
This is the only "today" I have
These hours precious, not to be
Spent carelessly.
so tell me please
What would You have me do today?
What to do today?
Many chores beckon,
Duties never-ending,
Children always needing,
Errands to be done.
But ...
Baby niece born last night
Tiny bundle of sweetness
Life beginning, makes me think
What really matters?
Should I vacuum all the house
Fold the laundry, organize,
Bead a necklace, shop for food,
Practice piano, write a song?
Somehow I don't know where to start
Today - just a Tuesday, I guess
But not.
This is the only "today" I have
These hours precious, not to be
Spent carelessly.
so tell me please
What would You have me do today?
Friday, September 12, 2008
Reality Check
While I was in the prayer room this morning, I wrote the following thoughts in my journal and shared them in our meeting afterward. They were encouraging to me and seemingly to others also, so I thought I would post them here as well.
If it takes all of God's power to live this everyday life, then even the very practical, "unspiritual" things I do must be very significant. What I do seems so unimportant on an eternal level. But how does heaven see it? With every load of laundry that I wash and fold, while I see only another shirt or pair of underwear, what do the angels see? If I do it with a resentful attitude, then they see only wood, hay, and stubble. (And who wants to fold that?) But if I humble myself to do the most menial chores as a sacrifice of love for Jesus and my family--even if I am struggling to maintain that attitude (it still counts)--then I am actually handling gold and silver and precious stones (see 1 Corinthians 3:9-13).
Even further, if I see the ones I am serving as who they really are, then I will tremble with awe at the privilege of being allowed to untie the sandals of these precious, glorious, beloved ones (see John 1:27).
If it takes all of God's power to live this everyday life, then even the very practical, "unspiritual" things I do must be very significant. What I do seems so unimportant on an eternal level. But how does heaven see it? With every load of laundry that I wash and fold, while I see only another shirt or pair of underwear, what do the angels see? If I do it with a resentful attitude, then they see only wood, hay, and stubble. (And who wants to fold that?) But if I humble myself to do the most menial chores as a sacrifice of love for Jesus and my family--even if I am struggling to maintain that attitude (it still counts)--then I am actually handling gold and silver and precious stones (see 1 Corinthians 3:9-13).
Even further, if I see the ones I am serving as who they really are, then I will tremble with awe at the privilege of being allowed to untie the sandals of these precious, glorious, beloved ones (see John 1:27).
Thursday, September 11, 2008
"All of God's Power"
"If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet" (John 13:14).
"Ministering in everyday opportunities that surround us does not mean that we select our own surroundings--it means being God's very special choice to be available for use in any of the seemingly random surroundings which He has engineered for us. The very character we exhibit in our present surroundings is an indication of what we will be like in other surroundings.
"The things Jesus did were the most menial of everyday tasks, and this is an indication that it takes all of God's power in me to accomplish even the most common tasks in His way. Can I use a towel as He did? Towels, dishes, sandals, and all the other ordinary things in our lives reveal what we are made of more quickly than anything else. It takes God Almighty Incarnate in us to do the most menial duty as it ought to be done" (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, 9/11).
Towels, dishes, sandals ... I can hardly think of better words to describe the everyday-ness of life as a a mom. I am encouraged to realize that these things are so important that it takes all of God's power to do them well. I mostly rush through the work in my own strength, when all the time Jesus wants to reveal Himself to and through me in the midst of it. Lord, let Your power be made real in me to do the most daily, mundane work. Help me to see it as significant as You see it. Reveal Your character in me.
I had just posted this and then went to one of my favorite blogs and saw this post. Just had to share it with you.
"Ministering in everyday opportunities that surround us does not mean that we select our own surroundings--it means being God's very special choice to be available for use in any of the seemingly random surroundings which He has engineered for us. The very character we exhibit in our present surroundings is an indication of what we will be like in other surroundings.
"The things Jesus did were the most menial of everyday tasks, and this is an indication that it takes all of God's power in me to accomplish even the most common tasks in His way. Can I use a towel as He did? Towels, dishes, sandals, and all the other ordinary things in our lives reveal what we are made of more quickly than anything else. It takes God Almighty Incarnate in us to do the most menial duty as it ought to be done" (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, 9/11).
Towels, dishes, sandals ... I can hardly think of better words to describe the everyday-ness of life as a a mom. I am encouraged to realize that these things are so important that it takes all of God's power to do them well. I mostly rush through the work in my own strength, when all the time Jesus wants to reveal Himself to and through me in the midst of it. Lord, let Your power be made real in me to do the most daily, mundane work. Help me to see it as significant as You see it. Reveal Your character in me.
I had just posted this and then went to one of my favorite blogs and saw this post. Just had to share it with you.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Quiet the Noise!
What does a bookish, peace-loving escapist do when she has four children ages five and under? Run? Hide under the covers? (Many days I’ve wanted to.) Or pray? Life with my little “bonbons” has driven me to prayer more than anything else. My life drives me to desperation on a near-daily basis. I find that the pressure of my current circumstances is what has motivated me to seek the Lord with a passion and intensity previously unknown to me. I used to float through life in a semi-dream state (just ask my mom). Now I am forced to encounter present reality nearly every moment of the day.
As I write this, I am sitting at the house of prayer. My wakeful (and, for the past hour-and-a-half, fussy) seven-week-old is struggling against the wrap in which I have him tied to me. I'm hoping he’ll go to sleep. I would like to snatch half an hour of peace away from the house which never seems quite picked up no matter how hard I try, the laundry that is never fully done, and the computer that beckons me to plan, research, buy, do, and escape through hours of endless browsing.
There is always far more to do than I can possibly accomplish. After I have cared for my children’s physical and emotional needs there is always much more I want or need to do: more housework, more email, more reading (yeah right, though I do snatch time for my favorite activity), more study, more projects … and even when I stop to spend time with the Lord, I have to choose how I will do it. Do I turn on the IHOP stream and worship? Or do I do an in-depth Bible study (and, if that, which of the many studies I want to do will I work on today)? Do I read something from my stack of books or listen to an RHOP podcast? Do I meditate on one verse or read several chapters? Or do I simply sit quietly and listen? I feel overwhelmed with options.
I am becoming convinced that which option I choose isn’t really the issue. God is not limited to one form of communication. He can speak to me through any of them. The real question is why I am coming into His presence. Is it to check another task off my to-do list, or to encounter Him? Over the past few years, I have made several lifestyle choices to make more room for seeking the Lord. But even with fewer distractions in my life, it is too easy to fill every moment with noise, even if the noise comes only from my own thoughts. In the midst of living a lifestyle meant to encourage the pursuit of God, I can still miss actually meeting with Him.
Lord, help me! Help me to let go of everything but my hunger for You. Stoke the flame of desire in me until everything else falls away and I am face-to-face with You. “I will seek You in the quiet place” of my soul. Amid the noise of life, let my spirit rest in You until all is quiet within. Let me be attentive to what is on Your heart today.
The baby finally fell asleep. :)
This was written in my journal several months ago, but I am just now posting it. It seems appropriate as we begin focusing on The Power of a Focused Life for the next few weeks.
As I write this, I am sitting at the house of prayer. My wakeful (and, for the past hour-and-a-half, fussy) seven-week-old is struggling against the wrap in which I have him tied to me. I'm hoping he’ll go to sleep. I would like to snatch half an hour of peace away from the house which never seems quite picked up no matter how hard I try, the laundry that is never fully done, and the computer that beckons me to plan, research, buy, do, and escape through hours of endless browsing.
There is always far more to do than I can possibly accomplish. After I have cared for my children’s physical and emotional needs there is always much more I want or need to do: more housework, more email, more reading (yeah right, though I do snatch time for my favorite activity), more study, more projects … and even when I stop to spend time with the Lord, I have to choose how I will do it. Do I turn on the IHOP stream and worship? Or do I do an in-depth Bible study (and, if that, which of the many studies I want to do will I work on today)? Do I read something from my stack of books or listen to an RHOP podcast? Do I meditate on one verse or read several chapters? Or do I simply sit quietly and listen? I feel overwhelmed with options.
I am becoming convinced that which option I choose isn’t really the issue. God is not limited to one form of communication. He can speak to me through any of them. The real question is why I am coming into His presence. Is it to check another task off my to-do list, or to encounter Him? Over the past few years, I have made several lifestyle choices to make more room for seeking the Lord. But even with fewer distractions in my life, it is too easy to fill every moment with noise, even if the noise comes only from my own thoughts. In the midst of living a lifestyle meant to encourage the pursuit of God, I can still miss actually meeting with Him.
Lord, help me! Help me to let go of everything but my hunger for You. Stoke the flame of desire in me until everything else falls away and I am face-to-face with You. “I will seek You in the quiet place” of my soul. Amid the noise of life, let my spirit rest in You until all is quiet within. Let me be attentive to what is on Your heart today.
The baby finally fell asleep. :)
This was written in my journal several months ago, but I am just now posting it. It seems appropriate as we begin focusing on The Power of a Focused Life for the next few weeks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
