A couple of weeks ago, a young woman I hadn't met before showed up at RHOP Moms. Her countenance glowed. Her eyes, her smile, and her tone of voice exuded joy. It made her beautiful. It made me admire her. Most of all, it provoked me. What am I missing? I thought. I don't have that kind of joy. She actually enjoys serving her family. I often resent it! I couldn't just write it off as a newlywed glow. It was something deeper, something real, something that I wanted to recapture.
. . . you have left your first love (Revelation 2:4, NKJV).
Disturbed, I went home. That afternoon found me typing an email to my accountability partner, listing all the complaints I had. Too tired, too much to do, whine, whine. . . . Then I started to reflect on what I was considering "too much." My involvement with RHOP? My children? My husband? These are the things that take up the majority of my time and energy. But they are also the very things I have asked, no, begged of God. I remember being 25 and single, wondering whether God would fulfill the call to marriage and motherhood that was deeply embedded in my heart. I remember having a vision for creating a home filled with peace and warmth, a haven from the world for my family. I have asked God to release me into ministry, worship, and (more recently) greater involvement at RHOP.
Suddenly it dawned on me: God is fulfilling every major calling that He's put in my heart. Marriage, motherhood, ministry, and worship have been my greatest desires for as long as I can remember. Yet I have continued to complain! In a moment of stark realization, I saw the futility of my unsatisfied heart. In the midst of the fulfillment of my dreams, I was discontent.
The leech has two daughters - Give and Give! (Proverbs 30:15, NKJV).
Whatever God gave, I found something more I needed. More time, more money, more children (sometimes less children!), more energy, more help, less clutter . . . . In the midst of abundance, my soul was impoverished. My greed prevented me from enjoying the very things I most desired. I refused to be content
No longer. I finally understand that the problem is not my circumstances. It's me! Now, while changing diapers, I will suddenly remember that this is exactly what I signed up for. It's not like I didn't know what motherhood would entail. I knew that it would require endless housework, meal preparation, and giving of myself. I even wanted that! I remember the feeling of purposelessness that haunted me during my twenties. I hated it! I wanted to be doing something real, something of eternal value. Something like being a mom?!
So I've started telling my children, "You're my favorite people to hang out with." And the funny thing is, it's true! I just didn't realize it before. I thought there was someone or something else . . . then suddenly I didn't know anymore what I was waiting for to make me happy.
Have the roots [of your being] firmly and deeply planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him], being continually built up in Him . . . and abounding and overflowing . . . with thanksgiving (Colossians 2:7, Amplified).
By God's grace, I will live with a thankful heart. I will not complain. (If you hear me doing it, please call me on it!) I have absolutely no excuse for being discontented. I refuse to live that way any longer! I am so grateful that God showed me this now so that I can repent and change before another five, ten, or twenty years goes by. I have a choice, and I choose to Love My Life. This wonderful, marvelous life that God has given me: a loving husband who is passionate about God; three beautiful children whose hearts are so open; the ability to seek God daily through the Word, worship, and prayer; an incredible house of prayer in which to grow, learn, and minister . . . . I could go on and on. Thank You, Lord! I will rejoice in You!
And one day, maybe my face will glow, my eyes sparkle, and my voice exude the joy of the Lord. Then, perhaps, someone else will be provoked to be thankful too.
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! (Philippians 4:4, NKJV).
Saturday, February 24, 2007
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2 comments:
What an encouraging message to anyone who struggles with identity. God has truly blessed you with a gift of words as well as with the things your heart has desired for so long.
Keep growing in Him.
In florida,
Thanks for your words of encourgement. I too am a mom of 3, wife to 1, and have felt lost in my world of "discontentment". So many times I feel like my life is just dragging on, and I miss the intimate times I once had with my Saviour (when I was single). I too prayed for the husband the house and the kids. Now I have it, and it's so much harder then I expected!! My own mother and father both passed away when I first became a mom back in 2002, and it has left me lonely and sad. My heart of worship is not so heavy within me any longer. But, I too can rejoice and know that this is the day the Lord has made and I will be glad. I have the Lord, who made Heaven and Earth, and my husband and beautiful children. Many people don't have even that. What hope do they have? In themselves??? Scary thing.... Thank you for sharing your story and I'm sure the light of life is shining upon you.
30something mom in Florida
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